


Begin Again

by mellidae



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 12:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1305532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellidae/pseuds/mellidae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel just got out of a bad relationship with Balthazar. It takes an unexpected encounter in a café to make him smile again. (Inspired by Begin Again by Taylor Swift)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to Begin Again a few times, and the line 'you throw your head back laughing like a little kid' always made me think of Dean (you know, if the writers would ever let him be happy). And then this was born. I hope you like it. Trigger warning: This piece does mention abusive relationships. If that makes you uncomfortable, I suggest you don't read it.   
> Disclaimer: None of these characters nor the song belongs to me.

On a Saturday morning, Castiel sat quietly at a table in the corner of the bright room, sipping lazily at his coffee. It hadn’t been a great week for him, so he was in one of his moods. He was void of emotion, just sitting slouched over the table, staring at nothing in particular. He didn’t take much in that day; he barely remembered deciding to go to a café. Sitting there, he started to regret the decision greatly. Everywhere around him he saw people. Some were young couples on an awkward first date; others were college students with laptops open next to their three empty coffee cups.  
Castiel couldn’t help but notice people, even when he tried not to. He was a writer; it’s what he did. Ever since he was younger, he could read people, tell what they were thinking. Maybe that was the reason… No, half the reason Castiel went out in public was to get something to take his mind off of things. What he didn’t know was that the something he needed was walking his way.  
Castiel didn’t notice the person standing directly in front of him. He was too absorbed in his own thoughts. However, when the person cleared their throat, Castiel looked up lazily. The person his eyes found was a man, obviously an employee going by the apron and frightful outfit, with dirty blond hair that stuck up flawlessly, full lips and the greenest eyes Castiel had ever seen. He felt no attraction towards the man, but he still noticed the defined jaw, the perfectly sculpted cheekbones, the way he stared expectantly. He was a writer; he noticed things. He also automatically wrote two paragraphs in his head describing the man, all of this taking place within two seconds.  
“Is there anything I can get you?” The man asked. He had a deep voice, not as deep as Castiel’s, but deep.  
“Eight months.” Castiel replied, uninterested.  
“Pardon?” The man tried his best to be polite, and Castiel pitied him. What cruel fate had this man been given to have to deal with Castiel in one of his moods? At least, that’s what he said, the name Castiel vowed never to say again. God, he was a mess.  
“Please go away.” Castiel muttered, dropping his head into his arms, which he folded across the table. Sure, Castiel felt bad for the guy, but he was too tired to care.  
“Sorry.” The man apologized, walking back to the counter. As soon as his footsteps could no longer be heard, he threw a few coins on the table and left, not realizing he left his long trench coat on the chair. The man watched sadly from behind the counter as Castiel pushed the door open and walked down the street and out of sight.

 

That night, Castiel sat in his one-bedroom apartment, staring at the wall opposite his bed, just thinking. He spent a lot of his time thinking recently. He hadn’t touched his computer in days, hadn’t written a word. Was this his fault? Did he do something wrong? Why did it happen? Part of him understood that it was for the best, that Balthazar wasn’t good for him, that he deserved better. That part, however, was always silenced by the part telling him it was his fault. He wasn’t good enough. He should’ve tried harder to please, even though he always ended up disappointing. A relationship shouldn’t be a battle, should it? Castiel always thought it should be easy, a give and take sort of deal. Then he thought maybe his expectations were too high, that happy endings were only in movies and sappy love songs. Maybe all love did was break, burn and end. 

 

Castiel spent the next few days sulking in his apartment, sorting through things in his head. He flipped aimlessly through TV channels looking for something to stare at. He found a terrible movie about a girl in love with a guy who treated her horribly. At first, he wasn’t paying attention, just staring blankly at the screen. Eventually, he got invested, and by the end he was cursing the writers. How could she be so dumb? It was totally unrealistic! No one would ever want to stay with someone who thought they weren’t good enough. ‘Oh.’ He thought to himself.  
That was when he came to the realization that Balthazar couldn’t be pleased. He was always going to be disappointed in Castiel. He was always looking for something more, something Castiel couldn’t offer, didn’t have. That realization was such a relief. It felt like a large weight had been lifted off of Castiel’s shoulders.  
Figuring this out took him eight months longer than he would’ve liked, and now he felt like he had so much to make up. He had so much life to live without the constant weight of a bad relationship bringing him down.  
It was a Wednesday afternoon, but he decided to go out. However, it was windy and he looked around for his trench coat. Not seeing it in his room or by the door, he checked every corner of the small apartment. However, there were only so many places he could look before deciding he left it somewhere. The last place outside of his apartment that he had taken it was the café. He decided that would be his destination.  
As he opened the glass door, he remembered how he felt the last time he had passed under this threshold. Even more of a reminder was the unfortunate man now stationed behind a counter, wiping down the coffee machines. Castiel cringed when he remembered their previous conversation. He had been rather rude to the man. However, there was no one else behind the counter, and Castiel would have felt odd coming into a café without buying anything. Also, he needed to ask someone if they had found his coat. So, putting on a brave face, he made his way to the counter, hoping the man didn’t remember him.  
“Uh…” He started, getting the man’s attention. It was obvious from the recognition on the man’s face that he definitely remembered Castiel.  
“Hello again.” The man said, a bright smile on his face, despite the awful memory that replayed in Castiel’s head. Suddenly, Castiel was less than confident.  
“I, uh, I was wondering if you had, uh…” The man stopped him by reaching under the counter and pulling out Castiel’s coat. It was folded over a few times, and the man, Castiel couldn’t help but noticing, held it like it was precious to him.  
“Looking for this?” The man asked, smirking. Castiel’s eyes lowered to the ground.  
“I want to apologize for how I acted.” He said.  
“Dude, no worries. I, technically, shouldn’t have even left the counter.” Castiel looked up, meeting the green eyes he had seen before.  
“Why did you?” Now it was the man’s turn to look embarrassed.  
“I don’t know.” He rubbed his neck. “You looked lonely.” Castiel gave a small smile.  
“So, did you want to order something?” The man asked.  
“Uh, sure. I’ll take a small coffee, black.” The man smiled.  
“Going all out, huh? Sorry, that was out of line.” Castiel thought about it. For eight months, he had gotten into the habit of never trying anything too daring in fear of being judged.  
“Can I change that to a chai tea latte?” The man smiled.  
“That’s more like it. What’s your name?”  
“What?” The question took Castiel by surprise.  
“So I can call you when it’s ready.” The man explained.  
“Oh, uh, Castiel.”  
“Nice to meet you. Your order should be ready in a few minutes.” He handed over Castiel’s coat and Castiel took it, hugging it close. He sat down at a table quite close to the counter. The whole time the man prepared his drink, Castiel watched him, smiling, and every once in a while, the man would catch his eye and blush. Eventually, there was a cup sitting on the counter.  
“Castiel.” The man said with a slight bow. As Castiel took the cup from him, their hands touched.  
“Might I know your name?” Castiel asked.  
“Dean.” The man replied. “Enjoy your drink.”  
Castiel sat down at his table. He took a sip of the beverage; the taste was delightful. He hadn’t had anything this good in months.  
After a few minutes of watching people pass by the window outside, he heard someone pull the chair out across from him and sit down. When he looked up, Dean sat across from him, without an apron on.  
“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Castiel asked.  
“It’s my lunch break.” Dean replied, smiling softly at him.  
“Then shouldn’t you be having lunch?” Castiel asked. Dean shrugged.  
“You looked lonely.” Castiel knew he was coming off shy, but he couldn’t help but be wary of anyone trying to be nice to him, not since Balthazar.  
“Well, I appreciate this, but it really isn’t necessary.” Castiel felt the need to deny himself happiness, feeling as though he didn’t deserve it. Dean’s smile faltered a little.  
“I can leave if you’d rather be alone.” Dean said, a sincere, caring look in his bright green eyes.  
“In all honesty, I wouldn’t. I don’t think anyone would.” Dean smiled again, brighter this time, and Castiel couldn’t help but blush.

 

Dean threw his head back, laughing at something Castiel had said. Castiel didn’t think it was that funny, but Dean threw his whole body into his laughs; it was childlike, really.  
“Cas.” He managed to get out, clutching at his side. No one had ever called Castiel ‘Cas’ before, but coming from Dean, it sounded warm and inviting, like a secret told between childhood friends, and Cas couldn’t help but smile.  
“So,” Dean continued, gaining control of himself, “based on that, I’m guessing you really like The Beatles, huh?” Castiel smiled shyly. He didn’t like talking about his interests; it was a habit now.  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
“That’s cool. I think everyone can agree they’ve got talent.” Balthazar never could. He said he didn’t understand their style; he thought they were silly.  
“My mom used sing me Hey Jude. I love that song.” Castiel’s eyes lit up when he heard that.  
“That’s my favorite song.” He said, smiling. Dean smiled, and he looked at Cas like there was something so beautiful in front of him, like he was watching the birth of something incredible, something Cas himself could never see. When he looked into the mirror, Cas saw disappointment, a waste of space. But when Dean looked at him, he felt… special. And they kept talking, sharing stories, until Dean’s boss came out from the back room and told him to get back to work. With a sigh, Dean stood, smiling at Castiel the whole time.  
“It’s been nice getting to know you, Cas.” Dean said, a picture of formality.  
“The same to you, Dean.” Castiel replied, his confidence slowly returning.  
“I hope to see you again soon.”  
“What time do you get off?” And just like that, on a Wednesday, in a café, Castiel watched love begin again.


End file.
